3rd time's a CHARM

I've written and rewritten this post, questioning the honesty..i decided to be honest.

We are going to be a family of 5!  That's like the real deal, no messin around.

We found out a little over a week ago that we will be expecting baby number 3!

Over a month ago..I took a test (that i bought at the .99 store- DON'T TRUST THEM haha), I was feeling funny..missed my period and thought meh, i'll just take a test. (pssst i compulsively take tests like all the time) it came back negative (shoulda gone to CVS), just thought it was weird cause although I had only had my period back for about 6 months ..they were very regular.

Another month goes by..still nothin, and I was feeling seriously fatigued...I had just started working out 3 days a week and working out pretty hard so I though I was just tired from that. But I was like passing out on the living room floor, and all kinds of random places- and randomly feeling barfy, freaking out on poor Ryan... i thought maybe the flu was coming on, everyone else is sick...

One day after one of my workouts I decided to go get another test cause I was all out of sorts.  I didn't tell Ryan, cause I figured it would just be another negative.  Got home, hot footed it into the bathroom...did the thing...and that test popped up so fast it wasn't even FUNNY! I believe my exact words were,

"oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!!"

I am the type of person who needs a game plan. I need lists. I need calendars. I need to be in the know.  So I needed to process this, absorb this information, and make a PLAN!

Here comes the tears...more tears out of fear for Curren cause I really want to stay on it with him, and I was afraid he would get lost in the mix of a third child, in his 3rd year of life. PLUS Fin was still a big nurser like 8 times a day big, and although I was trying to cut her down a bit I knew this would be putting a hault on things..another plus I was kind of scared for my BRAIN.

Even when I found out I was pregnant with Curren I cried..we were trying! I was still scared, it's just scary at first I don't know!

So I go out of the bathroom to tell Ryan, go in the kitchen and here's the scene: He's holding both kids who are crying..trying to get them a snack and Giggs is licking hummus up off the kitchen floor.

"RYAN! I'M PREGNANT!!??!!!!!"

"WHAT? NO WAY! That's AWESOME!"

he's totally excited! huge smile, he's stoked!

i'm the worst mother ever! i cried, he smiled.

Ryan got me on board.  He said, "Sarah we knew we wanted 3 right?...our "plan" was to wait till Fin was in kindergarten to try again...do you really think in 4 years...when our kids are in school and things are 'easier' we would want to have another baby?"

true. very true, now is the perfect time!

It took a few days for it to sink in with me, as Finley just turned 1- Curren is still 2..but i'm on board now. I'm envisioning 3 little amigos who will be pals growing up, 3 kids in high school together, a kindergartner, 1st grader, and 2nd grader..it's going to be so fun. I can totally say now, that i am excited :)

We made the appt to go see our Dr. and found out we are about 8 weeks along, due February 23 2012.

Once I heard that little heart beat and saw the little one wiggling around- I felt so much joy and felt so much excitement, and relief knowing everything looked good.  Lots of feelings actually, I also felt a lot of guilt for feeling so freaked out when I found out.  But I also know a lot of that was hormones, and just a little bit of shock. I know in my heart of hearts how much I already love this little one, and will love him or her as much as I love my other two babies.  I freaked out to the MAX with Finley, and what in the world would I do with out her??

I'm having mixed emotions with people asking me if this baby is a surprise or not, and asking me if we were using protection...guess what? None of that matters because we are having a baby, so get on the ship or get off, and be positive!

As to if I feel like a boy or girl? With Curren

-my face broke out so much, and I puked constantly for the first 3 months and lost 10 lbs the first month- but felt relief after throwing up.

with Fin-

I was nauseous constantly, and no relief while throwing up, my skin was the best it's ever been in my life.

now- nauseous constantly, down 9 lbs, throwing up, and broken out. It's a crap shoot!

OH and we're not finding out! Hate to break it to ya! It's our last one, and we already have 1 of each so why not! We've found out and not found out..both are fun. We're 99% sure we have our name too. It goes for a boy and a girl!