Poor little Alfonso.
It's been very interesting for Ryan and I having one of each..and by saying one of each, I don't mean a boy and a girl. I mean having one active child who will push the envelope, and having one EASY, calm child who listens very well (so far, yes i know FIN is 13 months..but even at this age, you told Curren to not touch that Power Cord and he would shake it harder and faster, which is FINE that's just who he was.)
In my opinion, so far, the age of 1-2 is very hard, esp 15-18 months-ish. These little people can now walk, they have real opinions but still have a hard time communicating them, they can cause harm to other kids and not really understand what they are doing.
I hate to break it to you but your 12-18 month old just is the way they are. They are not gentle and calm and listen well because of something you did, they are not hyper, biters, pushers, hitters, kickers, smackers, because of something you didn't do. They just are the way they are, and through repetition they will learn right and wrong.
Bring in Alfonso. I'm going to say little AL was about 16 months old.
We go to the baby play area..it's a little closed in bouncy carpeted thing with soft blocks. I go in with Fin, and notice right away AL was having a hard time. I see him grab a few baby's faces, push some kids over. He's having a hard time. Granted it was 5:00, Al was prob pretty hungry for a hot dog, and tired from his long day at Sea World.
I look around for his parents..oh they are texting on their phones not watching their kid..cool, one of those.
I am behind the camera taking some pictures of Fin, and Al comes up behind her and grabs her face pretty hard and scratches it. I pulled him off and told him "NO, that's not OK!" I was upset, cause now Fin (Ms. SUPER SENSITIVE) was distraught.
I was more mad at Mother and Father AL for not getting down and dirty and playing with their kid.
I calm Fin down...look around to see where Curren is and BAM Alfonso strikes again.
Now I'm pissed, I pushed him aside, told him "NO" again, looked at his dad and said, "That's not OK." and gave him a look like- come get your kid.
Al's dad then walks over to him, totally smacks him really hard and is yelling at him "be gentle be gentle!" Al's totally confused...now I feel horrible!
Why can't this guy just get down here, stick with his kid and show him how to act?
Meanwhile, allllllll the parents on the sideline (with their 1 CHILL child) are just watching in utter HORROR.
One couple in particular who's little boy got the wrath of AL, was saying loudly, "they need to get that kid out of here!..." and if I looked anyway in their direction they mouthed, "Can you believe this??" with their arms spread out in an up roar.
Having been on both sides of the fence..I had Curren who at times would be the aggressive child, he was never a biter (which again had NOTHING to do with me, it's just the way he was) but he was a pusher.
Through repetition of teaching him how to interact with his friends he eventually learned what's appropriate social behavior.
So this goes out to all you parents with the chill, easy children who mind their own and get attacked...take a step back and be thankful you have that chill child and you're not dealing with an attacker...the parents of the attackers are (hopefully) working on it, and learning how to deal with their child. And beware, cause if you decide to have another child...you'll probably have an attacker! Then you'll feel sorry for judging.
I just felt so bad for all, cause his parents weren't in it to win it. They wanted him to figure it out on his own, and at that age it won't happen, PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS. DAMMIT.
Al eventually got kicked out of the play space by a Sea World employee. So sad.
I was upset because maybe I should have talked to his parents in a more sympathetic way and told them, yes i have a son who would act like that..it really helps if you stay right with them and catch them before they hurt someone...but that's easier said than done. Have you been in this situation? How did you react?
yup. they are what they are and then we get to nurture and bring the best out of them...evidently those parents didn't get the memo on that part..Al is what he is but, they aren't helping to bring the best out of him. Very sad. I def. don't think all people are cut out to have kids and those poor kids are the ones that suffer...lack of love and lack of discipline. My little gal is lively and a biter and a tantrum expert...people give me interesting looks in public and it drives me crazy..then I pray that God blesses them with a child that is a full steamer like Curren and Daisy! lol. Sorry for that situation though. I would have been very frustrated!
ReplyDeleteI had a situation happen like that TODAY! We were at this little water/river/kiddie stream place at this park by us (it is super cool, bytheway!) and Ella and her little friend Bennett were playing really nicely together. Tommy was crawling through the water and I was following behind him. Then, I look up where Ella and Bennett are, and there is this kid who is younger than Ella, pushing her and pulling her hair! Ella tells him to stop and kinda walks away. Then, the kid keeps doing it because they are all kind of playing in the same area. So I go stand right next to them with Tommy. THEN the little kid pushes Tommy over and Tommy freaks out! I went right up to the kid and said, "No - we do NOT push babies. You be nice!" The kid kinda looked at me like, "huh??" then he started picking on Ella again! so went up to him AGAIN and said, "Pulling hair is naughty! Do NOT pull hair. You need to play nice, or you need to go home." (realizing I had no power to send him home...but the threat was there). Then he left. Phew. I understand that some kids are prone to physical force (as was Ella), but that just means the parents need to watch them CLOSER and teach them MORE OFTEN the proper playing techniques!! :( I definitely feel bad for AL in that situation - clueless parents. There isn't anything you could have done different...sorry you had to deal with that. It is always heart breaking to see kids being treated unfairly.
ReplyDeleteyou know, i wrote this post with the intent of changing the minds of the parents who were sitting on the sidelines judging Alfonso...they were the ones who were really irritating me, trying to get me to engage in conversation about how bad Alfonso was being.
ReplyDeleteas i wrote it, it became more about Alfonso's parents who are equally frustrating!
I hope people just become more understanding about kids who are harder to handle... and people need to watch their children and not just yell at them from the park bench! Laura those situations SUCK! As hard as it was watching Fin get hurt, i know she'll be ok, it's Al and kids like Al who need the help!