Bringing your 6 year old to see IMMORTAL

Had a little datie date date night with Ryan the other night...he got a gift cert to the movies for his BDAY so naturally, he picked the movie.  Even though I was REALLLY hoping he'd want to see Breaking Dawn part 1, (he even offered..what a guy) I was like, No babe..whatever you want to see I'm up for.  IMMORTAL was the chosen one.

"Sounds great babe! I love sci fi war movies, mixed with Greek Mythology!  son of a b i will never see Breaking Dawn

So we settle into our seats with our DIBS (mint chocolate in case you were wondering) and the movie starts. 
It's those louuudddd deep horns you hear, you know..like on Lord of the Rings when those Giant Elephants are charging? Or on 300 when the two armies are running so fast towards each other, swords drawn...bows pulled? By the way, why in the world- when in a sci fi battle- do they charge each other from like, 7.25 miles away? When they colide...wouldn't they just all pile up and be like OW OW OW OW OW as they are stepping on other people swords beneath them? I dunno.  Its like when the Arctic Crabs came together from two different currents last week on nat geo and made a pile so high everyone died and never got anywhere. AANNNYYWAY

We're sitting in our seats, the Titans are in their cages waiting to escape, abs are everywhere ABS ABS ABS (not complaining here) shields, swords, capes and abs. CLANK CLANK fighting and colliding of metal..my mind wonders...

I would be the best wife EVER if I could find Ryan sword lessons..can you even imagine? If a groupon comes up I'm buying that thing so fast it won't even be funny- he would love me forever, i'm adding groupon LA cause there is no way groupon Ventura County will ever have sword lessons

Ok this movie is actually pretty good.  I find myself asking questions like, "Ok so the only way the Greek Gods can intervene in Mortal War, is if the Titans are released?" I feel goosebumps coming on as the Peasant who has special powers and is in it for revenge for the other side slicing his mother's throat (isn't that the way it always goes?) yells "FIGHT FOR YOUR MORTALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and again, the two sides collide from 7.25 miles away.

Then I hear it...whimpering and crying..."WHAT IN THE HELL IS THERE A KID IN HERE?" I thought I said that in my head but then I hear Ryan say "ssshhhh Sarah!"

I whip my head around and I see none other but a crying (and FREAKED OUT) little boy sitting behind me, I say he's 6- Ryan says 8, regardless...the mother instinct kicks into HIIIIGH gear.  I'm bullet sweating thinking how I don't want to ruin this movie for Ryan but seriously what's on the screen right now?

Oh a son watching his mom's throat get slit

Oh monsters getting their heads sliced off

OPE women getting burned alive

A guy getting his MAN AREAS ruined for life so he can never PROCREATE (hello immortal....)

I start thinking, maybe I can just offer to take him and get some candy (and call CPS)?

Maybe I should turn around and say What in the HELL is wrong with you??????

Maybe I should just keep quiet and not ruin Ryan's movie. 

Ryan is squeezing my leg like 'zip it seeb' this happens sometimes in situations with Ryan and I. Although I am getting better and holding my tongue there may or may not have been some instances when Ryan couldn't hold me leg hard enough.

I lose my interest in the movie and am just focusing on giving them dirty looks.

Then the scene comes on of a VIRGIN in her moments of becoming NOT a virgin..and I hear..

"Papi...let me watch it..Papi I wanna seeeeeee" I turn around and NOW he is covering his son's eyes. NICE

I am proud of myself because I actually didn't say anything, it was REAL hard. That poor kid...not to mention this kid was out at 9:00 at night, had school the next day and was CHOWING down 2 boxes of candy NBD.

I can't say I will do this next time, so if  you bring your 6 year old to a rated R movie and I'm there, I will not be keeping quiet!!  And all in all Immortal was a great movie, if ABS, fighting, gory body parts being thrown about (i was pretty impressed with how much of my Anatomy class i remembered), and battle, oh and virgins, many virgins.