Brain Overloaded and Spilled on Blogger

My brain is going about 180983 MPH right now. I thought maybe if I jot down whats swirling around like freaking Tornado Alley on roids inside my skull right now..that would help.

So I know I am having a baby...oh lord the tears, here come the tears....regroup

OK so I know I am having a baby. I have known for about 9 months now...but within that 9 months my body is focused on building this baby cell by cell, but my BRAIN is focused on; Curren and getting him transitioned into preschool, physical therapy getting Finley to walk, my house, the laundry, the weeds,  the daily deets, birthday parties, yard work, teaching my kids, loving my husband and making sure he is happy, you know...alllllll the normal day to day and as the days pass by, Van keeps growing getting bigger and bigger, Van and I have our moments throughout the day of little kicks and me saying hey there little buddy...sorry I missed that football your brother lobbed at me, gotta work on my catch, and I hope Finley singing Twinkle Twinkle at the top of her lungs while laying on my (your) tummy didn't hurt your ears too bad!  At night is when Van, Ryan and I get some time just us, laying in bed watching him roll all over, and round house kick my lungs... talking to him about how excited we are for him and how we can't wait to see who he looks like.  Taking in these moments and really being present in them is something I have really tried to do throughout this pregnancy.  As I've mentioned, this is our last baby and I want to really enjoy all these special pregnant times.

These past few weeks have been insane as we just bought a house and are in escrow, and I am nesting like a crazy person.  The nesting phase kicked in full force one day and I am trying so hard to keep my house up as much as possible just in case I go into labor.

The last open spot of real estate in our current house..was my underwear drawer so that is where all of Van's clothes are, his little cradle is next to my bed full of blankets, and all the essentials.  What else do you need? I mean really...boobs, the Ergo, clothes and diapers..you're set.

This whole needing to pack, but needing to keep things tidy and accessible is really messing with the nesting...it's like the two opposite ends of magnets that can't come together!

We are now debating as to when to close escrow and actually move in to the new house (which is almost 3 times bigger than our current house!!!!!) ah the space...all that space i cannot wait. it will be completely empty but I am hoping that will be a nice distraction from the baby for Curren and Fin to play their fav game of hide and seek.  Our options are to move in the end of this month, or mid march.....hard to decide what will be easier, baby-wise.

I often think things are a fantastic idea...and as these ideas are coming to life I then think, what the hell was I thinking? I'm pretty sure this will be happening in the weeks to come. A new born? Moving? A 1 and 3 year old in the midst of it all? Now I am thinking aahhh it's no big D, it will be nuts for a few weeks then we will be fine.  I just don't want to lose my mind, thats all- I'm def. going to lose my mind..who am I kidding. Gotta TRY to keep that in tact.  Hopefully Van is healthy as a horse, a great nurser with a great latch, and is a happy camper.  I know how hard a newborn CAN be...but I also know how easy a newborn CAN be  so let's hope for the easy.

Labor...I am going to birth this baby out of my body and it will be the last time! Craziness. I've been pregnant and or nursing for  4 plus years now...and I am really REALLY REALLLLLYYYYYY looking forward to having my body back to myself! Nursing is not a big deal, that I can do....but these pregnancies have resulted in 1 year and 3 months of morning sickness..over 2 years of just being pregnant within the last 4... and I am so happy to never have to deal with that again! Not to mention sciatica..and all that fun stuff that takes over your body.  I am really looking forward to that moment of meeting our son and just taking him all in and feeling him in my hands and arms! aahh i can't wait.  it's like when you're a kid and you're going to Disneyland and you can't sleep cause your so excited...except i don't know when Disneyland is coming!

All these exciting things to come, I am ready to embrace them, and take things one thing at a time...well maybe like three things at a time, but shit I've been doing that for awhile now and I've held it down, I can do it again.

God has been so good to us, I am so grateful for all the huge blessings we've had in the past years and he continues to bless us and keep us under his wing.  I am seriously so thankful!

We have tons of amazing family and amazing friends who have already told us how much they will help...and I'm totally taking them up on it and will appreciate every cup they unpack, every meal they bring,  and every decision they make without me knowing :)

This blog could not be any more unorganized or more shuffled up, but it helps for me to get things out of my brain and put onto paper.

There, now I feel better.

Goodnight.