Magical.

I have to write, right now. FYI i'm not a "writer", I have always been a solid B-C english student, so get over all the errors you're about to come across. A few different things I have to get off my chest.  I was telling my friend Kara today, how I feel so lucky to have such great friends in my life. TRULY good people, that have my best interest at heart, and I have theirs.  We may differ in opinions from time to time but that doesn't mean we can't be friends- we are good people, honest people ( most of the time) and we all do things differently in raising our kids, and in our marriages and thats OKAY, it works for each of us.  I feel like the people I have close to me now are people I really want to have in my life, it's not an effort to be friends, it's just natural and genuine and I would do anything for them, and I know they (all) would do the same for me. Not to mention all of my family, Grandmas and Grandpas, cousins, brother, mom and dad...aunts and uncles they are all my rock and I am so lucky to have them.  This may be a bit of a ramble by my brain is a whirlwind of thoughts right now.

I just watched The Family Stone.  I am sitting in our living room with a fire going, nursing my baby...sort of wishing I was out with Ryan and our friends having drinks, but I looked down at Finley and her long eyelashes pressed against her cheeks.. and really there was nowhere else i'd rather be.... and scanning through the channels this movie was on.  It couldn't have come on at a more perfect time. 

 Have you ever smelled a scent, seen a picture, or heard a song that instantly time warped you back into a great memory?  This movie does that for me.  Living in So CA we don't get real seasons. I have spent time back east visiting our great friends and also Curren's Godparents- Travis and Jyll, for 4 winters in a row, and waking up to snow falling is seriously something so magical, the cold air floating through the windows wakes you up and to look outside and to see everything kissed with snow is so beautiful! The last time we were out there we were really hoping to get pregnant, I had a feeling I was pregnant but it was too early to tell.  Ryan, Travis, and I went for a walk one morning at a park in Rhode Island and it was hands down the most beautiful morning I have ever experienced in my life, it really was breath taking....and during this walk I knew I was pregnant with Curren, I could just tell, sure enough I was.





Remembering that walk is something the movie reminded me of.  As I watched on I kept thinking, I want to be the type of mom Diane Keaton's character is in this movie.  I want my son and daughter to know I will love him NO MATTER WHAT and to know they will get no judgement from me at all, all I want is for them to have true happiness.  I want them to feel comfortable in coming to me and talking to me about anything.  The dinner scene in that movie is intense, and you can just feel the support that family has for the son that is feeling judged by Sarah Jessica Parker's character.  I hope to create a family that has a tight bond like that, and will know that we have each other's backs and are a unit that no one can break. 

It also made me appreciate my marriage to Ryan.  I know he and I are going to grow old together, we hit hard times and we get through it, marriage is WORK and we're in it for the long haul, and that gives me a very secure feeling. I so look forward to the memories that will be created and cherish the memories that we already have. When Keaton's character shows her mastectomy scar to her husband- I doubt ANY wife could keep a dry eye.  I just love that movie! 

Ryan and I were pretty bummed thinking about how we really won't be buying any Christmas presents this year, we just don't have the funds, but really, REALLY we have more than we can ever ask for. We have our family, we have our 2 healthy kids, a house, and food in our kitchen.  That's a LOT more than most of the world will have this Christmas.  I have delivered shoe boxes full of toys and goodies to kids in Mexico that literally have NOTHING, they live in a little shack and all sleep on one mattress on their dirt floor.  The looks on their faces is something you can't even describe, they are the ones who need gifts! We had rice and beans and oil to give to the mothers of those kids and they were equally excited, I know they love their babies just as much as I love mine, and I can't even imagine not being able to give mine the basics. We all are so blessed here in the U.S.

Well, thanks to the Family Stone for reminding me of what's important and giving me some inspiration, now I can sleep.